Comic Archive

Welcome to Squires for Hire. Let’s see how many terrible squire puns I can make before I'm banned from the internet.

This story is in no way, shape, or form a reflection of my middle school experience. Promise.

Oh thank goodness a new character. I was worried this comic would be nothing but 500 pages of posing and inner monologues.

Man, I honestly did not intend to make that horse so handsome. Okay sorry Robin your dreams are dead forever. This comic is now and forever about that horse.

To be fair, this is probably not the first time this has happened to her.

The long face Tavern follows the time-honored tradition of horse-themed pubs found throughout Paragon. Other establishments include the Salty Stallion, The High Horse Inn, Filly’s Flophouse, and The Spur of the Moment. Records indicate this unusual naming convention began over three hundred years ago as part of a massive passive-aggressive war the city’s merchants waged with a traveling centaur caravan.

I have a feeling this castle is going to be consistently inconsistently drawn. It’‘ll be like that magical ever-shifting staircase in Harry Potter but yaknow, unintentional.

Oh thank goodness, I can finally stop drawing that backpack now. I've lost count of the number of times I've forgotten it in a panel and had to go back to redraw it.

Knights of the Iron Envelope are rightfully feared as some of the most tenacious and unwavering warriors in the entire kingdom. They see themselves as righteous crusaders of knowledge and communication. The last defenders of liberty and the exchange of ideas. Most people see them as those weird folks who trot about in khaki short pants.

I promised you all preteen angst and by god I intend to deliver it!

Oh hey it's the final main character of the comic, and it only took 10 fricken pages for her to show up.

Boop.

Beatrice’s reminds me of a friend’s dog who would constantly bark at strangers twelve times its size. Like, I get it. You’re trying to be authoritative and imposing, but you just can’t be taken seriously when you’re that tiny and cute. Side note: I like how when I started running out of things to have her ramble on about I just started filling the bubble with song lyrics.

Don't worry Robin, I'm sure I'll get tired of writing this joke eventually.

It always warms the heart to see old friends reconnect.

First time I've ever had to draw a crowd scene, man that takes a lot of time. I look forward to the wrist cramps I'm going to get during the next three or four pages.

Being a teacher at this academy is a lot like being a prison guard. When you're paid next to nothing you don't really have much incentive to jump between two brawling idiots. That's a good way to lose an eye.

Huh, well that sucks. I guess we won't be seeing those two again. Too bad, I really liked drawing them.

Bit of a short page today. Also, totally just realized this is the first page I've done without Robin. Neat.

To be honest an hour sounds really generous.

To be fair, it wasn't nearly as embarrassing as the first year she attempted the exam.

Hey man empty cages can be deadly too, you never know. Something something gazebo joke.

The stakes are very high for Gwen. Before landing a job at the academy she apprenticed for eight years as a barista knight in the Order of the Morning Chalice. Despite being a vital part of daily life in Paragon the order is considered to be the bottom of the barrel in the knightly hierarchy. Most knightly aspirants who fail to make the cut wind up a barista knight, a position barely a step above the peasant class. Gwen would most likely burn the kingdom down before returning to that thankless job.

I've been told by some folks that Gwen's plight hits a little too close to home. You'll be excited to hear I'm writing a spin-off series about her. It's just 500 pages of her writing fantasy emails and agonizing about her student loans.

Sir Warwick actually has a drink named after him that you can find in several taverns throughout Paragon. It's one part bourbon, one part lemon juice, mixed well with three drops of a child's tears. Customers are of course expected to bring their own tears.

As fun as this goblin was to design, I have to admit drawing that anime meat was the highlight of making this comic.

This marks the third time Robin's actually smiled this entire comic. The last one was about 20 pages ago. Let's not even talk about Beatrice's numbers...

Officially, the chivalric code requires a knight to announce their intent to engage a foe in battle. This is supposed to separate them from other lowly warriors by demonstrating their desire for honorable combat. As Beatrice demonstrates, blind adherence to this code can have plenty of drawbacks. Many more practical orders consider this a formality and instruct their recruits to simply mutter their challenge quietly under their breath if they want to ambush a foe.

There’s probably a reason Beatrice failed the last couple entrance exams.

Come on Robin, a construction site is no place for cartoon physics. Take it somewhere else.

Man, it would be a reaaaal dick move if I just ended the comic right here.

Oh huh, did I forget to mention Robin can bench press a house? She can bench press a house.

I will never get tired of drawing Beatrice's expressions. Kinda funny when you remember how prim and proper she was at the beginning of the chapter.

Robin can be a pretty good Problem solver. In honor of my 34th page I am opening up a rule 34 contest. Unfortunately because all of my characters are underage you are only allowed to make pictures of the sole adult in the comic, Warwick.

Man sometimes I really regret making this comic in a fantasy setting. Drawing cobblestones has become my worst nightmare.

To be fair Clown knights do exist in Paragon, and they are very well respected members of the knightly courts. Regular clowns though are still considered jokes and are rightly despised. Also yay everyone's favorite sassy goth is back!

Damn I missed writing dialogue for these two. Also, I think I've finally perfected the art of drawing Beatrice faces.

A whole group of cuties acting cute this page. And yes, I'm including the goblin.

The gobbos are playing a game called Grigby's Bluff. Like most goblin games It plays a lot like calvinball where you just sort of make up the rules as you go. The game usually ends when the players get into a giant fight and forget about the game. Or when one player eats all the cards. Whichever comes first.

Huh this place looks familiar.

Hey wow, haven't seen some of these nerds in a while. And here you thought the horse was just a throwaway joke.

This probably isn't the first time Griswald's gotten in trouble for this.

Griswald does not take kindly to goblins horsing around.

Beatrice really has a lot to look up to. (And not just because she's so small.)

Oof, those are some ominous bongs.

Well, only good things can come of this.

No jokes today, only emotions.

Fun fact: Robin gives excellent hugs. She spent many years training and honing her technique to avoid accidentally snapping people in two with her strength. Also I'm now realizing the reason I gave the goblins in this world tails was only partly for aesthetic reasons. The main reason was really just for this gag.

Buckle your seat belts kiddo's, we're entering into a flashback. Brace yourself for some tears and a very cute and very tiny Robin.

Hope you guys are enjoying some good ol' fashion Robin cuteness. It's funny, despite being the main character I feel like she gets overshadowed by Beatrice's more assertive personality. Hopefully this little flashback will help tip the scales. On a side note, after designing this fellow I had to think for a moment because he looked weirdly familiar. Turns out he's a dead ringer for an old drawing of my DnD fighter I made back in high school. I somehow subconsciously reproduced this dude years later in this comic. Funny how the mind works.

Aww man, looks like this is the last I'll be drawing of tiny Robin for a while. Phooey.

Well isn't this a colorful bunch. For the record Robin's mom is named Maggie, her dad is Drake, and her younger sibling is Kestrel. Going for a bit of a bird theme here if you didn't notice. On a side note: Moppie is a term of endearment for a young girl in Dutch. It roughly translates to honey or sweetheart. Culturally I designed Robin's family to be a weird mesh of Dutch and American south. So if you like chicken fried steak, bitterballen, Cornbread, and Poffertjes, you've come to the right house.

Huh, yaknow I'm starting to think Robin wasn't being entirely honest with Beatrice when she told her why she wanted to become a knight. Just when you think you know a person...

Aaaaaaand we're back. Let's check in and see what Beatrice is- ohmygoodnessno.

I dunno Robin, Stablehands for Hire doesn't really have the same ring to it.

I will never not get tired of picking on this poor girl. Drawing frazzled Beatrice gives me life.

First rule of Shounen Anime's: Never hurt the protagonist's friends.

Don’t worry, Morgan isn’t going soft or anything. She’s just adding another gobbo to her collection.

Huh. Well isn't that convenient?

Wow, so many new revelations. Like the fact that Grix could talk! Or that his name was Grix. Oh and I guess that Morgan instigated pretty much everything that happened in this comic so far, but that doesn't really seem as important.

Gwen c'mon, this is supposed to be a fun fantasy world. You're making things too real.

And so as was foretold the squires had finally became hired.

There's a very real possibility that Morgan was lying in that pose for a good 20 minutes waiting for the door to open.

Poor girl just can't catch a break.

And with that we finally finish the first arc of Squires for Hire! Thank you so much for hanging around this long and for all the love and support. Stick around for next week, I've got one more little bonus comic left before this chapter is officially closed. See you then.

Aaaand there we go, all loose ends are tied up. This concludes our first arc of Squires for Hire. Thank you so much for following me on this crazy little journey. I'm going to take the next month or two off to work on some other projects I've been putting off so I could work on this comic. Don't worry, a good chunk of them are squires-related so you won't be completely starved of content. See ya then!

Hey hey folks. Sorry for the wait, expect some new pages in July. Looking forward to seeing what mayhem the girls will get up this this time, stay tuned.

Heyyyy it’s Sir Walter. That dude that got name-dropped that one time 40 pages ago. This comic truly does have the deepest lore.

Crap, just realized that by putting that line in I’m obligated to draw giant death otters at some point.

Look, some kids are just late bloomers. Beatrice will unfortunately bloom around the same time a century plant does.

Morg's spitting some hot truths here. I get the feeling she'd be a big Pink Floyd fan.

Come on Beatrice, we were all having a fun pajama party till you had to go and spoil the mood.

And so ends the pajama party mini-arc. I'll miss drawing the little dragons on Robin's pants.

Uh oh. I wonder if this is where the truancy in the "Truancy and Tribulations" chapter title kicks in.

Well well well, look who finally has a name. Only good things can come from these two hanging out together.

Call it a hunch, but I think these two might be up to something.

Heyyyy got this done just in time for Christmas. Happy holidays yall, your present is finally knowing if those two would survive the fall or not. This comic also marks the first batch of cameo's from my kickstarter patrons. At the bottom panel from left to right we have VersusVarik, Alien_Ariel, and Scott Pezza. Thank you all for your support!

I'm sure she has a completely innocent explanation for wanting to sneak in there. She just can't think of one right now Also shout out to Stones of Anarchy whose main character makes a guest appearance in the first panel. Thanks again for contributing to the kickstarter.

Aaaaand we're back! Thank you all for being so patient. The last couple of months were a really rough time for me and it feels good to re-anchor myself by working on this comic again. Expect a regular stream of updates every week for the foreseeable future. Hope yall are ready for some questionable questin'.

On the one hand I'm sad that this will be the last time we'll see Lucra for a while, she's very fun to draw. On the other hand, I'm overjoyed that I don't need to draw such detailed backgrounds anymore. The kitty's name is Ninja by the way, he's modeled after my IRL cat and my friend Julia's kickstarter cameo. The name is somewhat ironic because he's the single least stealthy cat you'll ever see. He's a lazy ball of fluff, a heckin' chonker, and an absolute loaf. Seriously, he's so docile you can motorboat his belly and he just won't care. I know this from experience. Lots and lots of experience.

Please excuse Morgan. She doesn't try to be sinister, she just has resting villain face.

Morgan's disgust is not unwarranted. Due to a recent incident involving a beehive, a prototype dwarven pressure cooker, and an intoxicated manticore (The exact details of which remain undisclosed by the academy) the St. Briar's board of directors have recently been forced to completely replace their kitchen staff. Unfortunately they were only able to hire new workers from the local goblin villages as they were the only people crazy enough to want to work in the kitchens after the disaster. Goblins have a rather robust digestive system and can draw nutrients from a wide variety of organic and inorganic matter. This has lead them to develop a very... unique sense of taste. More than one student has complained of finding seashells or boot laces in their food only to be told that they're packed with minerals that help strengthen their tails.

The chapter 2 title page is starting to make a lot more sense now huh? Hold onto your butts, this story is gonna get weird.

In some parts of the world domestic mimic breeding has become quite fashionable among high society. Specialized kennel clubs have emerged to create mimics that specialize in transforming into specific objects. Purebred Malali armoire's for example are quite popular this season, and the quality of their pedigree is determined by the number of ornate details they can manifest such as bas reliefs or arabesque patterns. Mimic breeding has recently been outlawed in Paragon thanks to the efforts of fey rights activists who argue that forced mimic breeding is a form of magical animal cruelty. Several mimic sanctuaries (aka artificial dungeons) have been founded in order to house abandoned mimics and correct mimic overpopulation in paragon.

Morgan is definitely one of my favorite characters to write for and I'm really glad she has a larger role in this chapter. I really like thinking about each girl's relationship to one another and it's gonna be fun exploring how Morgan and Robin play off one another.

And then the plan went off without a hitch. The mimic's returned without incident and no one was the wiser. See you guys for chapter 3!